Last night was a long night. Sometimes after a wonderful, spiritual high like I enjoyed yesterday during our General Conference, I find myself being hit by a huge wave or wall of sadness, doubt, regret, remorse, anxiety and discouragement. Last night was probably the worst that I have ever experienced, at least for a very long time. There are many things that are concerning to me right now.. There are many of my friends and family members that are struggling too.
I did try to go to bed early, after prayers and scriptures with the family. Once in bed my mind would not shut off. I could not concentrate on positive things. I tried reading, praying again, eating, and even trying to find uplifting TV programs or movies in the middle of the night. Usually any one of these activities will help me to relax my mind and my body and fall to sleep, but last night every single time that I finally managed to drift off, I almost immediately woke again to another difficult thought pervading my mind.
At one point I was finally able to feel the sweet, peaceful reasurrance from the spirit of the Holy Ghost that I am a beloved daughter of Heavenly Father, that he knows and loves me, and that eventually everything will work out all right. I still was not able to go back to sleep, at least not for very long.
Eventually morning came. The sun's rays found their way over our beautiful eastern mountains. I was able to get up and get ready for the day. I was able to go to work and do my job, think clearly and converse with the staff and students who needed my help and attention. Today was a good day, and I know that more good days will come. I have faith that many far better days will come.
I'm so very grateful for the knowledge that the Sun will always rise.
Monday, October 3, 2016
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Happiness and Joy
Am I happy?
This is a question that I feel most of us ask ourselves almost constantly, even if we only do it subconsciously. I know that I think about it every day, even if it is in a superficial way. Am I physically comfortable? Have I done something fun or enjoyable and entertaining lately? Am I overworked or stressed about something? Am I worried about anyone I love and care about?
I have spent the weekend drinking in the counsel and advice from a group of people who I believe are the very most qualified of any on this planet to help people like me. and all people anywhere find true happiness, true peace, and true joy.
This morning, President Thomas S Monson, the current living prophet of God and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, reminded us again of the answers to the age old questions, Where did I come from? Why am I here? and Where am I going? The gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us the answers to these questions and teaches us of God's plan of Salvation. We lived with God, our Father before we were born. We are here to gain a physical body, and to learn how to return to our Heavenly Father. Essential to the plan is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Through his sacrifice and teachings we can return to live with him and with our families once again. It is the one perfect plan to peace and happiness both here and in the world to come.
Many many more messages were shared throughout the weekend, a virtual feast of uplifting messages of hope and inspiration. Watch or listen to LDS General Conference here.
I started this blog years ago in an effort to help me take the time to recognize and express my gratitude for the good and wonderful things in my life. Tonight I am very grateful for living prophets and apostles. Tonight I am also making a renewed commitment to recognize and record the daily tender mercies that I am continually blessed with and more of the insights that have come to me while listening to inspired counsel. Gratitude, Happiness, and Joy.
Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.
2 Nephi 2:25
For behold, this is my work and my glory--to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.
Moses 1:39
This is a question that I feel most of us ask ourselves almost constantly, even if we only do it subconsciously. I know that I think about it every day, even if it is in a superficial way. Am I physically comfortable? Have I done something fun or enjoyable and entertaining lately? Am I overworked or stressed about something? Am I worried about anyone I love and care about?
I have spent the weekend drinking in the counsel and advice from a group of people who I believe are the very most qualified of any on this planet to help people like me. and all people anywhere find true happiness, true peace, and true joy.
This morning, President Thomas S Monson, the current living prophet of God and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, reminded us again of the answers to the age old questions, Where did I come from? Why am I here? and Where am I going? The gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us the answers to these questions and teaches us of God's plan of Salvation. We lived with God, our Father before we were born. We are here to gain a physical body, and to learn how to return to our Heavenly Father. Essential to the plan is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Through his sacrifice and teachings we can return to live with him and with our families once again. It is the one perfect plan to peace and happiness both here and in the world to come.
Many many more messages were shared throughout the weekend, a virtual feast of uplifting messages of hope and inspiration. Watch or listen to LDS General Conference here.
I started this blog years ago in an effort to help me take the time to recognize and express my gratitude for the good and wonderful things in my life. Tonight I am very grateful for living prophets and apostles. Tonight I am also making a renewed commitment to recognize and record the daily tender mercies that I am continually blessed with and more of the insights that have come to me while listening to inspired counsel. Gratitude, Happiness, and Joy.
Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.
2 Nephi 2:25
For behold, this is my work and my glory--to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.
Moses 1:39
Friday, September 2, 2016
Summertime
"Summertime"
Summertime, and the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin' and the cotton is high
Oh, your daddy's rich and your ma is good -lookin'
So hush little baby, Don't you cry
One of these mornings you're gonna rise up singing
And you'll spread your wings and you'll take to the sky
But til that morning, there aint nothing' can harm you
This past summer has been quite busy with work and a plethora of family weddings, including the wedding of DS1 and our beautiful new daughter in law. All of our children were able to be home for the wedding, and the kids pretty much planned and carried out all of the festivities themselves, so it wasn't really stressful, but it was a very busy time with everyone coming and going. . . . . And then before we knew it, they had all returned to their various homes and things are pretty quiet around here again.
There is always plenty to do, with work and taking care of the house and the yards and gardens, but I have been particularly enjoying these late summer evenings this year. I'm trying to take at least an hour or two most evenings to just putter around the yard and the garden and enjoy the cooler weather, maybe even laying back on the grass and watching the sun set. This time of year has usually been quite hectic with back to school activities right and left, but now with an empty nest and several more weeks of daylight savings time . . . I am truly happy to be able to take time to relish and enjoy the little things:
Monday, August 22, 2016
Marcy Speaks Up: Evan McMullin for President
I rarely speak out about politics. I do try to sometimes publicly share my thoughts and beliefs on a variety of topics, but for the most part I try to avoid controversy. That being said, I strongly believe that it is my responsibility as a citizen of the United States of America to take an active part in understanding the issues of the times and voting in any public elections where I am eligible to vote. This year in particular there seems to be some widespread major dissatisfaction with both of the US Presidential Candidates from our two major political parties, if not dissatisfaction with both major parties themselves. If you don't feel comfortable voting for either party's candidate, what do you do? Vote for the lesser of the two evils (if you can decide what that is)? Risk "wasting" your vote by voting for a third party candidate? Most views of these candidates have not really meshed with mine either. Stick your head in the sand and not vote at all, hoping and praying that everything will turn out ok no matter who wins?
On August 10, 2016 former CIA Agent Evan McMullin announced his presidential candidacy as an independent candidate. I had never heard of him before this announcement, but so far I like what I see. If you are in any way dissatisfied with the current political state of affairs in this country, please take a look. I'm not telling you how to vote come November, but please do a bit of reading and exploring, and if you like what you read about Evan McMullin, please spread the word. Let's all be fully aware of what our options really are!!
Here's part of the introduction to a recent NPR broadcast about Evan McMullin:
"For voters dissatisfied with both major party candidates, there are a few other options. There's Green Party candidate Jill Stein, Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson, and a lesser known late arrival to the scene--Evan McMullin . . .
"MucMullin has worked for the CIA, the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees, Goldman Sachs, and as chief policy director of the House Republican Conference."
"In an interview with NPR's Scott Simon, McMullin argued he is the best candidate on national security. He also spoke about his stance on the Affordable Care Act, trade, and Syrian refugees."
Please click on the above link to read more highlights from the NPR interview. You may also want to explore these links:
Evan McMullin for President website
Video of Interview with Mark Halperin posted on www.bloomberg.com
Sunday, August 21, 2016
How Well Do I Know Him?
I'm somewhat of a loner. I don't enjoy being the center of attention, and I relish my privacy and time alone. But I am human. I'm a wife and mother, a daughter and a sister. I do have friends and neighbors and co-workers. I love my family and enjoy spending time with friends and neighbors and co-workers. I enjoy most casual social interactions, and I, like most people, crave and need to be understood. We are taught that one of the most vital of human needs is the need to be loved, and I believe, understood.
As babies and young children, most of us were given huge amounts of love and care from our parents and other care givers. Along with this love and care we received huge amounts of empathy. As parents, older siblings, grandparents and other adults, we understand what it means to be tired, hungry, too hot or too cold. We understand what it feels like to be uncomfortable and what it is like to be in pain. We do all that we can to make sure that our sweet children and babies are taken care of, loved, and happy. We can have true empathy for them in most situations that they encounter.
As we grow older, we encounter many varied situations and challenges. At some point we each face problems and situations that our parents may not have faced. Even if they have had similar problems, the circumstances are different, and the way we react to the same situations and challenges will be different from those who are close to us. The same holds true in our relationships with siblings, friends, roommates, and even BFF's and spouses or significant others. They may not have experienced a failing grade, the accidental death of a good friend, losing a parent, abuse from a loved one, divorce, cancer and it's treatments, diabetes, anxiety attacks, depression, loss of a job, serious sin, having very limited money/financial resources. They may have had similar experiences, and time has numbed their memory and pain. They may be the very ones who have inflicted the pain and have no real realization of what they have done.
I don't know about you, but I find it even harder to face a particular challenge or situation when my loved ones don't quite understand what I am going through. Yes, they are usually sympathetic and empathetic to the degree that they are capable, but I often feel that they just don't quite understand. You know the old teenage refrain . . . "but you just don't understand!!" Yes, it's true. At some point in our lives we each reach a place where none of our closest friends or loved ones quite understands what we are going through or where we are coming from. So why do I always expect my loved ones to totally understand???
So where do we turn? As Christians, we have been taught that we can turn to Christ. WAIT. STAY WITH ME HERE. I know this, but still I would rather have my loved ones understand. They are usually who I turn to first. My dear husband. My daughters. My sons. My sisters. My co-workers. To their credit, they do their best to sympathize, understand, empathize and comfort me. But why do I always turn to them first for comfort rather than turning to the Savior, the one who knows me better than anyone else? Do I not believe that he will understand? I have been taught, and I believe, and I think that I know that he understands better than anyone else. That's what the whole atonement is about, that he has suffered and understood every single sin and pain and sorrow that I have or will ever suffer, and has ALREADY suffered these things for me.
So what is the problem? It is me. Where do I spend my efforts? Who do I spend the most time with? Who do I live, work, and play with? Who am I most comfortable with? Who do I know the best? Am I spending enough time with my Savior, and am I close enough to him that he is the one I instinctively turn to? Instead of my spouse? Instead of my children? Instead of my co-workers? He has already offered to comfort all of my sorrows and my woes. He has already suffered for all of my pains and sins. Am I comfortable with Him? I need to learn more of Him. I need to turn to Him more often in thought and prayer and study. He is there. How well do I know Him?
As babies and young children, most of us were given huge amounts of love and care from our parents and other care givers. Along with this love and care we received huge amounts of empathy. As parents, older siblings, grandparents and other adults, we understand what it means to be tired, hungry, too hot or too cold. We understand what it feels like to be uncomfortable and what it is like to be in pain. We do all that we can to make sure that our sweet children and babies are taken care of, loved, and happy. We can have true empathy for them in most situations that they encounter.
As we grow older, we encounter many varied situations and challenges. At some point we each face problems and situations that our parents may not have faced. Even if they have had similar problems, the circumstances are different, and the way we react to the same situations and challenges will be different from those who are close to us. The same holds true in our relationships with siblings, friends, roommates, and even BFF's and spouses or significant others. They may not have experienced a failing grade, the accidental death of a good friend, losing a parent, abuse from a loved one, divorce, cancer and it's treatments, diabetes, anxiety attacks, depression, loss of a job, serious sin, having very limited money/financial resources. They may have had similar experiences, and time has numbed their memory and pain. They may be the very ones who have inflicted the pain and have no real realization of what they have done.
I don't know about you, but I find it even harder to face a particular challenge or situation when my loved ones don't quite understand what I am going through. Yes, they are usually sympathetic and empathetic to the degree that they are capable, but I often feel that they just don't quite understand. You know the old teenage refrain . . . "but you just don't understand!!" Yes, it's true. At some point in our lives we each reach a place where none of our closest friends or loved ones quite understands what we are going through or where we are coming from. So why do I always expect my loved ones to totally understand???
So where do we turn? As Christians, we have been taught that we can turn to Christ. WAIT. STAY WITH ME HERE. I know this, but still I would rather have my loved ones understand. They are usually who I turn to first. My dear husband. My daughters. My sons. My sisters. My co-workers. To their credit, they do their best to sympathize, understand, empathize and comfort me. But why do I always turn to them first for comfort rather than turning to the Savior, the one who knows me better than anyone else? Do I not believe that he will understand? I have been taught, and I believe, and I think that I know that he understands better than anyone else. That's what the whole atonement is about, that he has suffered and understood every single sin and pain and sorrow that I have or will ever suffer, and has ALREADY suffered these things for me.
So what is the problem? It is me. Where do I spend my efforts? Who do I spend the most time with? Who do I live, work, and play with? Who am I most comfortable with? Who do I know the best? Am I spending enough time with my Savior, and am I close enough to him that he is the one I instinctively turn to? Instead of my spouse? Instead of my children? Instead of my co-workers? He has already offered to comfort all of my sorrows and my woes. He has already suffered for all of my pains and sins. Am I comfortable with Him? I need to learn more of Him. I need to turn to Him more often in thought and prayer and study. He is there. How well do I know Him?
Friday, August 5, 2016
Five Minute Friday: HAPPY
I haven't been too actively blogging this busy summer season, but the first post on my blog feed this afternoon was a Five Minute Friday Challenge posted at Sand Castles and Snow Forts.
Are you interested? Take five minutes and write your own blogging thoughts about HAPPY, and join in by posting a link to your blog on Kate's linky at this link: Five Minute Friday Challenge: HAPPY
Here's my five minute offering on HAPPY
Am I Happy?? This was perfect timing for me. If you had asked me to spout about Happy last night, I may have given you 30 minutes about UNHAPPY! No, nothing is terribly wrong in my life, but I am adjusting from a season of planning for and looking forward to the wedding of DS1 to DDIL1, and all of the busyness and excitement of having all of the family gather together from both sides of the continent for the wedding day, to the present time when all have returned home.. I do love my six wonderful childrens and their spouses and my Dear Hubby, but do wish we had just a wee bit more time all together.
I am happy for green grass, and sprinklers to water it in the hot summer time, for cars that allow me to travel many places in our beautiful state and elsewhere. I am happy for gainful employement and wonderful, pleasant and faithful co-workers. I am happy to live in a super neighborhood with wonderful, caring friends and neighbors. I am happy to have born into a super duper wonderful family with super duper wonderful parents.
My five minutes are over, and I've just touched the tip of the iceberg of wonderful blessings that make me happy!
Are you interested? Take five minutes and write your own blogging thoughts about HAPPY, and join in by posting a link to your blog on Kate's linky at this link: Five Minute Friday Challenge: HAPPY
Here's my five minute offering on HAPPY
Am I Happy?? This was perfect timing for me. If you had asked me to spout about Happy last night, I may have given you 30 minutes about UNHAPPY! No, nothing is terribly wrong in my life, but I am adjusting from a season of planning for and looking forward to the wedding of DS1 to DDIL1, and all of the busyness and excitement of having all of the family gather together from both sides of the continent for the wedding day, to the present time when all have returned home.. I do love my six wonderful childrens and their spouses and my Dear Hubby, but do wish we had just a wee bit more time all together.
I am happy for green grass, and sprinklers to water it in the hot summer time, for cars that allow me to travel many places in our beautiful state and elsewhere. I am happy for gainful employement and wonderful, pleasant and faithful co-workers. I am happy to live in a super neighborhood with wonderful, caring friends and neighbors. I am happy to have born into a super duper wonderful family with super duper wonderful parents.
My five minutes are over, and I've just touched the tip of the iceberg of wonderful blessings that make me happy!
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Introspection on Being Social. And on Introspection.
Warning: This post is somewhat lengthy and probably not very entertaining. However, it is composed of my very own, not so random thoughts. So if you are up to it, read on.
I do not consider myself a very social person. Normally and in most circumstances I'm pretty content to sit back and let others do most of the talking and be in the spotlight and the limelight. I do enjoy getting to know other people. I enjoy company and conversation, but mostly with people that I am already acquainted and comfortable with. I love being with my family! I do enjoy thinking about parties and events and even doing a fair amount of planning and arranging for such events, but as for being the spokesperson, the in charge person, and especially the hostess of such events . . . not quite so much. And I definitely do enjoy my solitude and alone times too.
This past week I have been thinking a bit about some of my life experiences where I was not exactly forced, but put into circumstances where it was my responsibility to be up in front, or a spokesperson, and or a decision maker. Of course there were the times in school when I was assigned to give a report or read a story that I had written in front of the class. I would be given lines to memorize and recite in programs at both school land church. I was sometimes asked to give a 2 1/2 minute talk in Sunday School. When I was 12 years old for a period of six months or so it was my responsibility to call the other 7 girls in my youth group on a weekly basis to remind them of our planned activities. This was excruciatingly painful for me.
In high school my friends and I tried out for the school plays, and I even had small speaking parts. This was somewhat fun to participate in, but I was so self-conscious that it was difficult for me to project or put much feeling into the parts I was also nominated for student body office my senior year in high school and managed to campaign and speak in front of the entire student body (small as it was . . . .about 400 students grades 7 through 12, and to my surprise was even elected to office! Granted, I was the student body historian, not the president or anyone who was required to speak up front on a regular basis.
Probably my first hugely challenging experience with being social and in front of people came when I made the decision to serve as a full time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for a year and a half. The thought of reaching out to strangers on a daily basis in order to teach them about Jesus Christ terrified me, but I had an experience in the spring of 1981 where I knew in my heart that this was what the Lord wanted me to do. So I began planning to take 2 years away from my college education so that I could complete this mission. This decision also helped me with several other decisions that I faced later that summer. I was called to serve and teach in the country of Colombia, in South America. Not only did I need to learn to approach and talk to complete strangers about religion and Jesus Christ, but I needed to learn speak and teach in Spanish. This was not easy. There were long days and long nights and there were tears of frustration and inadequacy and homesickness. But I did it. It was hard. But it was also rewarding. I learned that if I am prepared, and I can speak with confidence in front of both large and small groups. I learned to know and love a very beautiful country and very beautiful people, and I also helped many people understand a bit more about God, Jesus Christ and his atonement, and their plan for all mankind.
I remember one preparation day during my mission. This was usually on a Monday, and the one day when we had free time to do such things as laundry, shopping, writing letters home, and any sight seeing or other approved activities within our assigned city or area in the mission boundaries. The missionaries who were our district leaders had gained permission from the Mission President for our district of six or eight missionaries to take a day hike out in the country. We rode the bus to an outlying town, and from there hiked a mountain of interest. I don't remember for sure, but believe that it was near the city of Buccamaranga Colombia. I'm a country girl at heart, and the day of hiking in the mountains was truly balm for a fairly new missionary in a strange land who is trying to get used to being around people, often large crowds in a large city, twenty-four/seven. As the afternoon drew on and we began our return trip to the city, I was thinking about how much I truly would love to be a hermit and live out the rest of my life in near solitude and an area of such natural beauty. Alas, I also knew deep in my heart that this is not what God intends for any of his children. Part of our challenge here in life is not to find peace in solitude, but to find true peace and happiness by following the example of Jesus Christ and by helping others in any way we can. Most importantly, the challenge for those of us who know the truths of the gospel, is to help others here on earth to understand these truths and to understand how they can find this true happiness and peace.
Fast forward nearly 15 years:
When our youngest daughter began school, I started working part time to help out a bit with family finances. It was a very simple data entry job just a hours a day and required limited contact with other people. As I have become more experienced at my work over the past 15 years, I have gradually taken on more responsibility, answering phone calls, helping students with admissions questions, and even helping with training of other employees on both an individual basis and in larger group settings. These responsibilities have come gradually and have been easier to adjust to as my experience has grown over the years. I still have no desire to "be in charge" but feel happy and even fulfilled to be able to help others with my work.
I think that my most challenging opportunities to be a more social person have come through callings and assignments in our church. For over five years I was responsible for the leadership of the Relief Society Women's organization for seven or eight of our local congregations. I met with the local leaders of each congregation several times each year and with the help of my two counselors and my secretary we would plan several large conferences or service projects each year. This was quite overwhelming as I felt very young and inexperienced and often found myself meeting with and advising women much older and more experienced in life and the gospel than I was. But, I accepted the call and did my best. For the most part I enjoyed these responsibilities. I had very capable help in my presidency and we seemed to work quite well together. I felt we did some good and made a difference with our efforts.
Several years later came my very very very most challenging responsibility to date. Almost eight years ago I was asked to preside over the Young Women's organization in my congregation. This meant preparing and carrying out or assigning lessons to be taught every Sunday and also organizing social and educational activities every Tuesday evening. It meant getting to personally know every young woman in my neighborhood between the ages of 12 and 17, and doing what I could to be an example and mentor and sometimes confidant to them during the challenging teenage years. I again had other wonderful women to work with, but this time around I felt so much responsibility for each of these young ladies, two of whom were my own daughters, and the others who were their friends and classmates. My feelings of social inadequacy were very overwhelming. I had never been very good at socializing when I was a child or a teenager, and as an adult I still feel very inadequate in these areas. But, I again accepted the call and did my best. I don't know that I made much of a difference in the lives of these young ladies, but I truly hope that I did some good of some kind. I still know most of these ladies, and have seen them mature into wonderful, capable students, employees, missionaries, wives and even one young mother.
Many of our weekly activities and Sunday lessons focused on the Young Women's Personal Progress program. This is a program where the young women are encouraged to set goals and participate in experiences and projects, some required and some of their own choosing, based on seven different values: Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Choice and Accountability, Good Works, and Integrity. Once a young woman has completed a certain number of experiences and projects, she is eligible to receive the Young Womanhood Recognition Award.
Not long after I accepted this calling, we learned of a change to the Personal Progress program with the introduction of a new value, Virtue. New guidelines for experiences and projects based on the value of Virtue were introduced. Young Women leaders are not required to complete the Personal Progress program, but are very strongly encouraged to participate in the experiences and projects. I felt a strong need to focus right away on completing the experiences for the value of Virtue.
Now for how this relates to Introspection: The third required experience for the Value of Virtue is as follows:
This was not an easy assignment. It took me many days, much introspection, and at least 12 journal pages to read and answer Alma's questions for myself. Do I remember God's goodness to me? Have I been spiritually born of God? Do I exercise faith in Jesus Christ? Have I experienced a mighty change of heart? Have I received his image in my countenance? Can I look up to God with a pure heart and clean hands? If not, how would I feel to stand before him today? There is much, much more to ponder . . .
We are currently studying the book of Alma in the Book of Mormon in the Sunday School class that I currently teach. Again I have been challenged to read Alma chapter 5 and answer Alma's questions for myself. It's something we should all probably do again and again. In our hearts on Sunday as we take the sacrament and renew our baptismal covenants. Occasionally it wouldn't hurt to do a more in depth introspection and read and answer all of Alma's questions for ourselves. Am I prepared to stand before my Savior and share with him all of the thoughts and intents of my heart? Where are my values? Where do I fall short? Where do I need to improve? Have I received his image in my countenance?
I do not consider myself a very social person. Normally and in most circumstances I'm pretty content to sit back and let others do most of the talking and be in the spotlight and the limelight. I do enjoy getting to know other people. I enjoy company and conversation, but mostly with people that I am already acquainted and comfortable with. I love being with my family! I do enjoy thinking about parties and events and even doing a fair amount of planning and arranging for such events, but as for being the spokesperson, the in charge person, and especially the hostess of such events . . . not quite so much. And I definitely do enjoy my solitude and alone times too.
This past week I have been thinking a bit about some of my life experiences where I was not exactly forced, but put into circumstances where it was my responsibility to be up in front, or a spokesperson, and or a decision maker. Of course there were the times in school when I was assigned to give a report or read a story that I had written in front of the class. I would be given lines to memorize and recite in programs at both school land church. I was sometimes asked to give a 2 1/2 minute talk in Sunday School. When I was 12 years old for a period of six months or so it was my responsibility to call the other 7 girls in my youth group on a weekly basis to remind them of our planned activities. This was excruciatingly painful for me.
In high school my friends and I tried out for the school plays, and I even had small speaking parts. This was somewhat fun to participate in, but I was so self-conscious that it was difficult for me to project or put much feeling into the parts I was also nominated for student body office my senior year in high school and managed to campaign and speak in front of the entire student body (small as it was . . . .about 400 students grades 7 through 12, and to my surprise was even elected to office! Granted, I was the student body historian, not the president or anyone who was required to speak up front on a regular basis.
Probably my first hugely challenging experience with being social and in front of people came when I made the decision to serve as a full time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for a year and a half. The thought of reaching out to strangers on a daily basis in order to teach them about Jesus Christ terrified me, but I had an experience in the spring of 1981 where I knew in my heart that this was what the Lord wanted me to do. So I began planning to take 2 years away from my college education so that I could complete this mission. This decision also helped me with several other decisions that I faced later that summer. I was called to serve and teach in the country of Colombia, in South America. Not only did I need to learn to approach and talk to complete strangers about religion and Jesus Christ, but I needed to learn speak and teach in Spanish. This was not easy. There were long days and long nights and there were tears of frustration and inadequacy and homesickness. But I did it. It was hard. But it was also rewarding. I learned that if I am prepared, and I can speak with confidence in front of both large and small groups. I learned to know and love a very beautiful country and very beautiful people, and I also helped many people understand a bit more about God, Jesus Christ and his atonement, and their plan for all mankind.
I remember one preparation day during my mission. This was usually on a Monday, and the one day when we had free time to do such things as laundry, shopping, writing letters home, and any sight seeing or other approved activities within our assigned city or area in the mission boundaries. The missionaries who were our district leaders had gained permission from the Mission President for our district of six or eight missionaries to take a day hike out in the country. We rode the bus to an outlying town, and from there hiked a mountain of interest. I don't remember for sure, but believe that it was near the city of Buccamaranga Colombia. I'm a country girl at heart, and the day of hiking in the mountains was truly balm for a fairly new missionary in a strange land who is trying to get used to being around people, often large crowds in a large city, twenty-four/seven. As the afternoon drew on and we began our return trip to the city, I was thinking about how much I truly would love to be a hermit and live out the rest of my life in near solitude and an area of such natural beauty. Alas, I also knew deep in my heart that this is not what God intends for any of his children. Part of our challenge here in life is not to find peace in solitude, but to find true peace and happiness by following the example of Jesus Christ and by helping others in any way we can. Most importantly, the challenge for those of us who know the truths of the gospel, is to help others here on earth to understand these truths and to understand how they can find this true happiness and peace.
Fast forward nearly 15 years:
When our youngest daughter began school, I started working part time to help out a bit with family finances. It was a very simple data entry job just a hours a day and required limited contact with other people. As I have become more experienced at my work over the past 15 years, I have gradually taken on more responsibility, answering phone calls, helping students with admissions questions, and even helping with training of other employees on both an individual basis and in larger group settings. These responsibilities have come gradually and have been easier to adjust to as my experience has grown over the years. I still have no desire to "be in charge" but feel happy and even fulfilled to be able to help others with my work.
I think that my most challenging opportunities to be a more social person have come through callings and assignments in our church. For over five years I was responsible for the leadership of the Relief Society Women's organization for seven or eight of our local congregations. I met with the local leaders of each congregation several times each year and with the help of my two counselors and my secretary we would plan several large conferences or service projects each year. This was quite overwhelming as I felt very young and inexperienced and often found myself meeting with and advising women much older and more experienced in life and the gospel than I was. But, I accepted the call and did my best. For the most part I enjoyed these responsibilities. I had very capable help in my presidency and we seemed to work quite well together. I felt we did some good and made a difference with our efforts.
Several years later came my very very very most challenging responsibility to date. Almost eight years ago I was asked to preside over the Young Women's organization in my congregation. This meant preparing and carrying out or assigning lessons to be taught every Sunday and also organizing social and educational activities every Tuesday evening. It meant getting to personally know every young woman in my neighborhood between the ages of 12 and 17, and doing what I could to be an example and mentor and sometimes confidant to them during the challenging teenage years. I again had other wonderful women to work with, but this time around I felt so much responsibility for each of these young ladies, two of whom were my own daughters, and the others who were their friends and classmates. My feelings of social inadequacy were very overwhelming. I had never been very good at socializing when I was a child or a teenager, and as an adult I still feel very inadequate in these areas. But, I again accepted the call and did my best. I don't know that I made much of a difference in the lives of these young ladies, but I truly hope that I did some good of some kind. I still know most of these ladies, and have seen them mature into wonderful, capable students, employees, missionaries, wives and even one young mother.
Many of our weekly activities and Sunday lessons focused on the Young Women's Personal Progress program. This is a program where the young women are encouraged to set goals and participate in experiences and projects, some required and some of their own choosing, based on seven different values: Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Choice and Accountability, Good Works, and Integrity. Once a young woman has completed a certain number of experiences and projects, she is eligible to receive the Young Womanhood Recognition Award.
Not long after I accepted this calling, we learned of a change to the Personal Progress program with the introduction of a new value, Virtue. New guidelines for experiences and projects based on the value of Virtue were introduced. Young Women leaders are not required to complete the Personal Progress program, but are very strongly encouraged to participate in the experiences and projects. I felt a strong need to focus right away on completing the experiences for the value of Virtue.
Now for how this relates to Introspection: The third required experience for the Value of Virtue is as follows:
Prepare to be worthy to enter the temple and to participate in temple ordinaces. Read Alma Chapter 5. Make a list of the questions Alma asks. Answer the questions for yourself, and make a list of the things you can and will do to prepare yourself to be pure and worthy to enter the temple and receive all the blessings our Heavenly Father has promised His beloved daughters.
This was not an easy assignment. It took me many days, much introspection, and at least 12 journal pages to read and answer Alma's questions for myself. Do I remember God's goodness to me? Have I been spiritually born of God? Do I exercise faith in Jesus Christ? Have I experienced a mighty change of heart? Have I received his image in my countenance? Can I look up to God with a pure heart and clean hands? If not, how would I feel to stand before him today? There is much, much more to ponder . . .
We are currently studying the book of Alma in the Book of Mormon in the Sunday School class that I currently teach. Again I have been challenged to read Alma chapter 5 and answer Alma's questions for myself. It's something we should all probably do again and again. In our hearts on Sunday as we take the sacrament and renew our baptismal covenants. Occasionally it wouldn't hurt to do a more in depth introspection and read and answer all of Alma's questions for ourselves. Am I prepared to stand before my Savior and share with him all of the thoughts and intents of my heart? Where are my values? Where do I fall short? Where do I need to improve? Have I received his image in my countenance?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)